Saturday 20 March 2010

Girls... WTFMAKESENSEPLEASE Part 3

Ahhh it's been a couple of days and I have been feeling pretty low, I received some bad news on the night after I had last met with Haley, She's back with her Ex... I guess it's not necessarily bad news because she is happy...

I'll summarise the rest of the story that I had begun, It seems irrelevant now, basically we made it to the house party, everything was OK, I stayed there, I was far too drunk to get home, she made her way home, In the morning I asked if I could meet up with her because I was far too hungover to go to work, things seemed slightly off If I'm honest, She asked me why... I told her I didn't need a reason to meet up with my friends... She was having an argument with her dad. and the next thing I know I got a text saying "NEVER try to contact me again, If I see you out you will be a stranger to me, DON'T reply to this message"... I was destroyed. I hadn't known what I had done, I didn't text her back...

Later I re-read the message and realised it was something that Ben had sent to her... I had been an idiot, I should of comforted her instead I was feeling upset. I still felt upset afterwards because I was the cause for this text. We Talked later that evening and she told me she wasn't sure when but she might be getting back with him and that she was going to meet him later that day. I wasn't sure what to feel to be honest, everything seemed to be going so well, she didn't look happy with him on Friday when he kept pulling her aside... We discussed it and I tried to be as unbiased as possible, she obviously thought she could be happy with him and I wasn't going to be the one to stop that happiness from happening, I would still be her friend, so it wasn't a problem. I told her not to base her entire decision on memories alone though, after I met Ben in the pub, that man had no desirable qualities at all, other than looking good. people change maybe he had.

About 20 minutes after she had left to go and meet with him, I received a text from her asking me why "memories were not a good enough reason" I didn't want her to be distracted, he deserved her full attention, I told her to turn her phone off and not be distracted, everybody deserves a chance...

That ends the summary of the events, I'm sorry I didn't put as much detail into it as I had the rest of the story, But it seems that advice now would no longer be relevant. I haven't received any advice yet anyway, just people being interested in the story, glad it's not all going to waste :)

I shall continue now from Wednesday, The day of another friends birthday this time an 18th, same group of friends, only not so many of us. I'm not sure I should actually be writing this blog, I'm in a strange mood, I feel as though when I begin to recall what happens I have this great empty feeling that grows inside of my chest, it makes me feel sad. I'll continue anyway and see how far I get before I have to stop.

I was meeting Haley at the station, we would be meeting up with everyone else down at the pub later on, we had quite a long walk. the walk was nice, if somewhat awkward after the past few days I hadn't known what to think about where I stood in relation to her feelings, she wasn't back with Ben at this point in time but she had talked about it, I had no idea of her feelings about me. When we eventually arrived at the pub everything seemed a lot more easy going and things seemed as they were before, laughing, joking, pleasant.

Seem to be having some form of writers block, which makes no sense, because I'm writing memories, not making things up. let's just go from a different house party after the pub, I spent most of my time with her in the kitchen. fumbling around like a drunken fool and kissing her, one of our friends kept coming in and making suggestions about having sex, at the time it was humorous, on reminiscing It's not so much, I guess the one thing that happened on that night that actually sticks to mind the most was that she didn't want to have sex, I didn't either not in this state, she had said that she "wanted it to mean something" this made me happy. Although if I think of all the possible things this could mean, they could be vastly different, at first I took it as She wanted it to be special between me and her and not in some guys flat on a drunken night. But it could also of meant that she didn't have those kind of feelings towards me and didn't want anything to happen...

Thursday morning was good, I was hungover, I spoke to her a little on MSN, she was making jokes about certain things that happened the night before, all seems to be going well. I know the previous night she was feeling guilty about coming to the pub because she had made arrangements to meet up with Ben. So when she said she had to leave I knew where she was headed... I arranged to go and see my best friend who I hadn't see for a couple of weeks, just to have a catchup maybe talk about my situation a little and just have a lark like we usually do... I wished I had stayed the night now that I think about what was about to happen on my return.

I got back at 10pm I was incredibly tired, I headed straight for bed, I was awoken at 12:59 it was Haley, asking if I was online, I assumed she has just got back from Ben's house and she had something she wanted to tell me, I already knew what it was. I asked her how her evening had been, she said it was "OK" followed up by "I'm back with Ben" slightly better than OK then... I can't remember my exact response, I think I smiled and said It was good... We talked for about an hour and a half before I became too emotional and couldn't do it any more, I had previously told her I wouldn't of been hurt if she got back with him, But clearly... I was.

I was a mess, I sent her a text after she had left saying that I wanted to continue talking, I need to get these feelings out, She phoned me, I was so nervous about picking it up... It's just a friend there shouldn't be a problem, I answered and as soon as I did, tears started to form in my eyes. My lip was trembling. what the hell was wrong with me? I tried to talk, But it was hard. I was choking back tears. I apologised and said I couldn't do it, I started writing an email on facebook to her... and half way through I felt guilty, I shouldn't of hung up on her. I was being childish. I phoned her back we spoke and said we would meet sometime this week. I felt better... For now.

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